


Dear Someone

by ernyx



Series: Black Widow Meta Fills [5]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 18:09:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14141643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ernyx/pseuds/ernyx
Summary: unsent letters to various people over a lifetime





	1. Dear Santa,

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted from tumblr @artificiallyimplantedmemories (now inactive) // feel free to send prompts for me here  
> I'm posting a bunch of old memes because I feel bad that I haven't been writing here. I'll try to be back soon!

Dear [Дед Мороз](.),

     [Иван](.) says that you will come by on New Year’s Eve with your granddaughter and bring me presents. But all the presents I’ve gotten were from where he has been for his work, so I don’t think you’re the one giving them to me.

     I wish he wouldn’t lie to me. Like when he told me that I was his daughter.

     If you exist, I hope you will bring Иван home. That’s all I want. Even if he lies, I think he does it because he wants me to be happy. It’s nicer than being sad, and he’s warm. You live a long way north of me, so you know that.

                                        With love,  
                                              Natalia

Dear Дед Мороз? 

      You’ve got to be kidding me. Foolish folk tales-- he's a lie, just like everything else, and nothing is given for free.

Dear Дед Мороз,

     It’s probably foolish to ask a fictional character for anything, but if there’s anything you could do for me, could you bring Алексей back to life? I may not have asked for marriage, but he was kind to me. For a moment in my life, I thought I could be happy again.

                                                  Natalia

Dear Дед Мороз,

    I have escaped the clutches of my Soviet brainwashers. I hope you find a way to get away from them too. For all the memories, it’s not somewhere anyone should be right now. Still, I prefer you to the American Santa Claus any day.

Dear Дед Мороз,

     I’m going to play at being you this year. Some people _do_  deserve some things for free, and I’m lucky to know them.

                                                  Natasha Romanoff


	2. Dear Past Me,

Dear past me,

     You’ve had it rough and will continue to. The nightmares will still be there for a while. Keep trying to do the right thing, and maybe you’ll be able to balance out your sins. If you can change something, take out the Hydra agents within S.H.I.E.L.D. and destroy those Helicarriers before the world goes to shit, hmm?

Dear past me,

     Lies will always be part of your life. Just know which ones to tell. Looking to the past will not help you now, just use what you know and try to be a better person before it’s too late. Find Clint and stick with him so he can get you somewhere safe from the KGB’s clutches.

Dear past me,

     Pretend to go along with the brainwashing, but don’t let them get through to you. You need to keep fighting them unless you want to turn into a killer drone, a machine. You’ll like the ballerina bit though.

Dear past me,

     Do what you have to-- cry, scream, threaten to throw yourself off a cliff-- but don’t let Ivan give you to the Red Room. Just don’t.

Dear past me,

     Can you make sure that Иван gets мама out of the fire too? I miss her.


	3. Dear Future Me,

Dear future me,

     Do you still like the candy that Иван brings home? You should stay warm in the winter and don’t forget to go out with a coat and scarf in the winter. Иван says if you take care of yourself, everything else will be okay!

     I hope you smile a lot. If things get bad, just look up at the stars. Maybe you’ll see a falling one so you can make a wish on it!

Dear future me,

     Follow orders so you don’t get punished. I’m sure you’ll have learned by now. Failure isn’t accepted. Always do your best so nobody has an excuse to hurt you. When you graduate, see if you can travel somewhere there’s less snow– and you better graduate because otherwise this future stuff doesn’t even matter. You’ll be dead.

Dear future me,

     There’s still a little bit of human left in me, and I hope you don’t lose it completely. I know it’s hard to keep it alive, but if you can keep him close, you’ll have a chance.

                 Really. Don’t let him go, no matter what.

Dear future me,

     1. Don’t piss off the Hulk.  
     2. Aliens exist, prepare yourself for more of them, just in case.  
     3. Fuck Loki. No, not literally.

Dear future me,

     How long are you going to keep running from yourself? Eventually secrets will come out, and all those old scars will reopen. Don’t bleed out.


	4. Dear mom,

         

Dear мама,

     I don’t know why you’re gone. Иван says she’s in a better place, but it’s far away. I want to see you again, мама. I barely remember your face. Why did you leave?

     I’m one of the 28 Black Widow agents with the Red Room. The training is hard but the glory of Soviet supremacy and the _warmth of my parents_... my parents?  мама... what? ... _makes up for_... мама?  мама! Where are you?

Dear мама,

     If you were still alive, would you be proud of me? I’ve turned into a killer. I don’t know what you expected of my life, but I’m certain it wasn’t this.

Dear мама,

     You sacrificed yourself to save me. I think I’m finally doing right by your memory. Sometimes sacrifice is needed, and I have people to protect. Maybe I’ll join you soon.

мама,

     Did you suffer like he did?


	5. Dear dad,

         

Dear папа,

     I have no idea who you are. I don’t remember мама saying anything about you. Were you a bad person? Anyway, мама is gone now but I have a new папа now. Иван is nice to me. I still call him Иван but he’s doing your job.

Dear Иван,

     I’m so glad they’re letting you write to me. I’m not lonely here because there are other girls here too. We live and train together, but I miss you. I hope you’ll come visit soon. I’m almost ready to graduate, and I’m at the top of my class. I hope you’re proud of me. Now I’ll get to help our nation just like you do.

                                    With much affection,   
                                                              Natalia

Dear Иван,

     I... you know about my personal _attachment_ \-- I’m not supposed to have any here, of course, because my mission comes first, but...

     Иван, please come. They’re going to marry me off. He’s a prestigious pilot, and I know that it’s a good match for politics but I can’t become a wife, not to _him_. I don’t know what to do. Please, I miss you so much.

                                             With all my love,  
                                                               Natalia

Иван,

     Why did you come with me? I’m grateful for your loyalty, but you’ve lost everything of your home country, and I am no longer a child. You don’t need to watch over me anymore. I know I’ll always be your little girl, but I fear what the KGB might do to you if they find you, now that you’ve defected with me.

     I’ll try my best to protect you, so please don’t die while I’m away.

                                                    Yours,  
                                                         Natalia

Иван,

     It’s time for you to go. I’m sorry. I’m not what you want me to be and I never will. I hate to lose you, but it’s better this way.

                                                       Goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments? Feedback? I'd love to hear it! Drop me a line either here or on my tumblr!


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